dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
