If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
