she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
