He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
