Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
