I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
