I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
