I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
