he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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