If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
