Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
