i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
