Rock
Scissors
Fuck
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
