If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
