there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize