then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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