Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
