I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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