just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
