so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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