So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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