can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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