I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
