So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
