Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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