Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
