I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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