can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
