trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
