Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
