Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
