How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I love having hate sex.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
