I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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