He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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