we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
