pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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