i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
