Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
