I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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