remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize