Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
