We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
