look no pants
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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