if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
