I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize