Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
