Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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