Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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