Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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