his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
