so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
