Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
