sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
