ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
