Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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