therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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