i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
