Sponge bath it is.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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