Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
