mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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