Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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