At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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