Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
