Those balls look pretty dangerous.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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