I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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