he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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