these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize