i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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