I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
