Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
