pedialite and red bull = repair kit
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
