How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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