your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
