sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
