He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
