i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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