Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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