those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
did i just pee glitter
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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