This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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