whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Mom said you looked used
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
