seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
