You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
