hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
