he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
