you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
