Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
