i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize